Buckle up, farmers (and city slickers alike)! Hold onto your hats (or straw hats, if you’re feeling fancy) because we’re about to dive headfirst into the world of hilarious tractor jokes. Get ready for some puns that are cornier than a prize-winning ear of corn, one-liners that pack a punch stronger than a hay baler, and enough laughter to fill a silo. So, whether you’re a seasoned farmer with dirt under your fingernails or a city dweller who wouldn’t know a combine from a cucumber, these jokes are guaranteed to have you snort-laughing in no time. Let’s get started!
Funny Tractor Jokes
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field (and driving a tractor)!
- What kind of music do tractors listen to? Country, of course! They’re always in the hay mood.
- How much does a farmer charge to park his tractor? Nothing, it’s free in the par-king lot.
- What do you call a lazy tractor? A John Deere-lie.
- I used to be addicted to tractor pulls… but I’ve turned over a new leaf.
- My wife left me for a tractor driver. Now I can’t tell if she’s after a better man or a John Deere.
- Tried to sell some jokes about tractors online, but nobody wanted them. Guess they were just too corny.
- Dating apps are tough for tractors. Their profiles always say they’re “looking for someone to grow old with.”
- What do you call a nervous tractor? A clutch case.
- Heard a rumor John Deere is coming out with a self-driving tractor. Finally, something a farmer can afford to keep sober.
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A farmer walks into a dealership and asks the salesman, “How much horsepower does that new tractor have?” The salesman replies, “Enough to pull a smile right off your face!”
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A city council member is visiting a rural area and asks a farmer, “Why are all your tractors painted bright orange?” The farmer squints at him and says, “So you fancy city folk can see ’em and not run into ’em!”
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A young boy asks his grandpa, “Grandpa, how come your tractor doesn’t have a horn?” The grandpa winks and says, “Son, a tractor with a horn just yells, ‘Hey, look at me! I’m about to run you over!’ These air horns right here say, ‘Move it or lose it!'” (Gestures to the giant exhaust pipes)
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A group of farmers are bragging about their tractors. One says, “My tractor can plow a whole field in record time!” Another boasts, “Mine can lift a mountain of hay bales!” The last farmer leans back and says, “Mine’s so smart, it can drive itself!” A beat of silence, then one farmer asks, “Well, then why are you here?” The last farmer shrugs, “It got lost on the way to the field.”
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A tractor repair shop owner is on the phone, “Yes, ma’am, I understand your tractor keeps turning left no matter what. Have you tried turning the steering wheel right?” Pause. “No, ma’am, that wouldn’t help. But it’s a good start!”
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Social Butterfly: A farmer walks into a bar and orders a drink. He notices a group of tractors huddled together in the corner, seemingly deep in conversation. Curious, he approaches them and asks, “What are you all chatting about?” One tractor replies, “Just discussing the latest gossip from the farmyard. Seems there’s a rumor the chickens are planning a coup!”
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Fuel Efficiency Expert: A salesman approaches a farmer working his field. “Sir, you won’t believe the fuel efficiency on this new tractor model!” he exclaims. The farmer leans on his shovel, unimpressed. “Son,” he says, “my tractor runs on pure stubbornness. It ain’t happy until it finishes the whole field.”
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Apps for Everything: A young farmhand asks his grandpa, “Grandpa, why do you keep your phone in your pocket while driving the tractor?” The grandpa winks. “It’s my tractor driving app, son. Tells me when I’m about to hit a squirrel and need to swerve!”
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Hitching a Ride: A crow lands on the back of a moving tractor. After a bumpy ride, the crow calls out to the driver, “Hey! Watch where you’re going! You almost ran over that scarecrow back there!” The farmer laughs. “Like a scarecrow could hurt anything!”
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Multitasking Mishap: A farmer is struggling to juggle a cup of coffee, his phone, and a steering wheel while driving his tractor. Suddenly, he hears a loud “Moo!” and looks back to see a very annoyed cow staring at him. Embarrassed, the farmer apologizes. The cow shakes her head. “Honestly, some people just can’t mow and moo at the same time!”
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Disco on the Farm: A farmer walks into a John Deere dealership looking flustered. “My tractor keeps playing disco music all day long!” he exclaims. The confused salesman asks, “Have you checked the radio settings?” The farmer shakes his head. “Nope, it’s coming straight from the exhaust pipe. This tractor’s got a real funky engine!”
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Lost in Translation: A group of foreign exchange students visit a farm and see a tractor with a sign that reads “Caution: Automatic.” One student asks the farmer, “Does this mean the tractor drives itself?” The farmer grins. “Nope, it just means you have to push it real hard to get it started!”
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Fashion Faux Pas: A group of tractors are showing off their new paint jobs at the county fair. One boasts a gleaming chrome finish, another a vibrant rainbow design. A beat-up old tractor with peeling paint rolls up. “Well, you two look fancy,” it rumbles. “But a classic never goes out of style.” The other tractors snicker. “Classic? More like a rolling rust bucket!” Just then, a judge approaches and points to the old tractor. “Congratulations! You’ve won the ‘Most Authentic Farm Fresh Finish’ award!” The other tractors stare in embarrassment.
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Haywire Hay bale: A farmer is struggling to load a giant hay bale onto his tractor. He secures it with ropes, but as he drives, one end keeps flopping loose. Finally, exasperated, he pulls over and whispers to the hay bale, “Look, if you just stay still, we can get this done faster.” Suddenly, a voice comes from the hay bale, “Hey, I’m trying! But there’s a family of mice down here having a barn dance and it’s hard to concentrate!”
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Night Shift Blues: A farmer is having trouble sleeping because his neighbor’s tractor keeps running all night. Finally, he can’t take it anymore and marches over to the neighbor’s house. Banging on the door, he yells, “What in tarnation are you doing with your tractor at 3 am?” The neighbor opens the door, rubbing his eyes. “Oh hey, sorry about that. It’s just my new automatic sheepdog herder. Apparently, it works best in complete darkness.”
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Stuck in the Mud: A little red tractor is driving happily through a field when it gets stuck in the mud. It spins its wheels and honks its horn, but nothing works. Just then, a big blue tractor drives by. “Hey,” calls the little red tractor, “Can you help me out of this mud?” The big blue tractor smiles and says, “Sure thing, little buddy!” It attaches a tow rope and pulls the little red tractor free. “Thanks so much!” says the little red tractor. “No problem,” replies the big blue tractor. “That’s what farmers are for!”
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Tractor Hiccups: A farmer is driving his tractor when it starts making hiccuping noises. “Putt-putt… putt-putt…” He pulls over and checks the engine, but everything looks fine. He tries restarting it, but the hiccups continue. Just then, a wise old crow flies by. “Sounds like your tractor has the hiccups,” it caws. The farmer scratches his head. “Hiccups? How do I fix that?” The crow winks. “Just give it a good scare! A loud noise should do the trick.” The farmer thinks for a moment, then grabs a can and starts hitting it with a wrench. CLANG! CLANG! The tractor sputters and coughs, then runs smoothly. “Wow, it worked!” says the farmer, thanking the crow.
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Tractor Traffic Jam: A line of tractors is waiting patiently at a stop sign. Suddenly, a little toy tractor zooms past them, ignoring the sign. All the big tractors honk their horns in disapproval. A police car pulls up behind the toy tractor and pulls it over. “Do you know why I pulled you over?” asks the officer. “No, sir,” squeaks the toy tractor. The officer shakes his head. “Because you were driving recklessly and ignoring traffic signs. You need to follow the rules just like everyone else!” The toy tractor looks down at its tiny wheels. “But officer, I don’t have any brakes!”
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Lost and Found Tractor: A little boy is playing with his toy tractor in the sandbox when it falls out and gets lost in the tall grass. He searches for it everywhere, but he can’t find it. Just then, a friendly ladybug lands on his shoulder. “Are you looking for something?” she asks. The boy nods sadly. “I lost my tractor in the grass.” The ladybug smiles. “Don’t worry, little guy. I know just the place to look!” She flies off, and the boy follows her. They search through the grass, and finally, the ladybug spots a bright red glint. “There it is!” she exclaims. The boy beams and picks up his lost tractor. “Thank you, ladybug!”
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Talking Tractor Troubles: A farmer is showing off his brand new talking tractor to his friend. “This thing is amazing!” he says. “It can tell you anything you want to know about the weather, the crops, even the best jokes!” The friend whistles in surprise. “Let’s hear a joke,” he says to the tractor. The tractor whirs and clicks for a moment, then says in a booming voice, “Why did the scarecrow win an award?” The farmer groans. “Oh no, not that one again! This is the third time today it’s told that joke!”
- Why did the tractor go to school? Because it wanted to improve its “crop”-tential!
- What did the farmer say to the mischievous tractor? “You’re really plow-shy today!”
- How do you fix a broken tractor? With a “tractor” wrench!
- What’s a scarecrow’s favorite dance? The “crop circle” shuffle with the tractor!
- Why did the baby tractor cry? Because it had a little “tire” in its eye!
- What do you call a tractor that’s always telling jokes? A laugh-ter!
- How do farmers count their tractors? With a “tractor”-culator!
- What do you call a group of musical tractors? A tractor-cord!
- Why did the farmer bring a ladder to the tractor race? Because he heard the winner was outstanding in his field!
- What do you get when you cross a ghost with a tractor? A scare-tractor!
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